In the midst of memories, gratitude is the best word that has a richest and deepest meaning of what I feel for you Jon, my best friend. The more I wish I could have had spent more time with you, the more I realize the need of being grateful for the moments that we spent together. Moreover, here I am, standing by your grave, knowing that there is nothing more significant than affirming life, accepting the great and amazing opportunities that it throws into our paths (Marre, 2008). In this world, the actions of man have only been defined by greed and malice; were it not for that I know Jon would be here helping me to sail through the good and the sad times. However, life cannot be without some people leaving for the better place while others remain to hang on.
In this life, God gives you the people you need. To help you, love you, and mould you into the best you can be and Jon you were the man! Melody Beattie once said that, “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow" (No Author, n.d). Today, I am reading this letter to you as an acceptance of your helping spirit; make sense of the times we shared as I prepare for tomorrow’s vision.
The perfect time came eight years ago when we first met. I was in high school going through the hardships, and my basketball career was on the rocks when I tore my ACL. You had this smile, which always assured me that things would get better. At the time, you were a D1 Prospect for College Football and as a great motivator; you took your time to guide me through the murky waters of life. You loved to joke around, laugh with me; put a smile on my face even when things were not looking up. Every time I hear the lyrics, “Everybody dies, but not everybody lives,” I cannot help thinking about you. You helped me to live this life to the fullest, appreciate the small things like a score, a good day, and even accept the reasons why people get to go through the hard times.
On the day you passed on, I had been at Jake’s house and thought that I could not make it to see you. I mean sometimes, you think that people will always be there, time will always be there, and the feeling of losing a close friend never crept into my mind. With you, Jon, I was always certain that I would always see you without knowing that life too, has an end. Although I was at Jake’s, I kept thinking about you. I felt that if I had seen you, maybe I would have had stopped the death, but if I knew what I know now, I would have had seen you. It was not until the evening that a phone rang, and I was jerked into my full senses. I felt something was amiss as I grappled with the phone. It was Melissa, my best friend, and there, she dropped the bomb that you were no more! I was stunned, anxious, surprised, and speechless. I slipped into denial and lived in it for several months. I could accept neither the loss nor what life had to offer. After the denial period, I moved into depression and then I just grieved my heart out. It was as if my heart had been ripped apart and nothing could do the patching.
When I thought that the worst was over, I started having panic attacks, nightmares, and even pleasant dreams of us enjoying good moments. Then I let the psychiatrist prescribe to me Xanax, a mind altering-drug to help get me over the grieve. I stopped feeling neither sorrow nor weeping and smiling at the memories that you and I created.
At a closer look at how you lost your well-lived life, I came to my senses. Drugs had dragged you down to the path of self-destruction, and I was on the same road too since I was addicted to Xanax. I looked upon you my guardian angel and I did the right thing; I walked into a rehabilitation center and withdrew from the drug. I always felt that Jon the great hero would have loved me to do the same. Gratitude is the heart’s memory and here I am telling you that you are a hero, a great man and through the trials and tribulations you shone through and you are still my great friend. Jon you watched over me as I struggled to come clean and took care of me just like a brother would.
As from this day, I have to accept the best free things in life: memories, a simple smile, and offering gratitude to you. My life is better now, I often visit your grave, and I have read you this letter. I have made friends with one of you sisters on the social site; facebook. She is beautiful just like your two nephews. I wish you were around to teach them how to throw and catch a football or play me one more game of hoops, but I know you in my dreams for now. I believe that you watch over my every move and all of those horrific times that i had went through while on that pill that nearly took my life 3 times. You were the guardian angel flying by my side (taking care, protecting me, and watching over me as always).I want to intertwine your memories into my life, use you as a star that will shine golden rays into my path, always inspiring me to live life to the fullest! Soar like an eagle but be at my side, I love you now, forever and always until we meet again.